I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i came on her dog
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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