If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
