I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
