I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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