his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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