YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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