i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
