I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize