Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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