Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
