how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
