you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
