I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
