I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
