tequila makes me forget i have legs
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
