508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
