Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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