My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
