did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
