I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
