I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize