Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
