Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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