A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
