I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
