Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
