Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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