1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize