I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
