I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
