The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
