stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
