i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
