i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
