the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize