Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
