also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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