Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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