made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
