Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
