so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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