Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
