best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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