You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
