I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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