They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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