I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
