After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
