my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
