Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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