She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
