Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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