went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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