yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize