where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Who died my cat blue again?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
