Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
