Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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