Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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