I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
