And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
