we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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