I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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