guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize