i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
