I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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