All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
